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PEOPLE often ask me why I wanted to be a film editor.
Well, to cut a long story short…
WHEN I was a kid my dad told me “I’m fucking sick of getting socks for my
“You ungrateful bastard!” I replied. “It’s the thought that counts!”
I could tell from the look in his eyes he’d have kicked my head in.
If he’d had legs.
DEAR Walkers Crisps,
Your crisps are really tasty. When will you be making a full bag?
PREDICTIVE text is for aunts.
Olivia, St Kilda
I JUST saw a beautiful girl with a massive gut walk into a gym.
What a waist.
ASTROLOGY: because millions of planets and stars have spent billions of
years lining themselves up just to let her know that she’ll “meet someone with
nice eyes” this week.
Lenny, Alice Springs
I HAD a shepherd’s pie for dinner yesterday.
He wasn’t very happy about it.
Caroline, Gold Coast
SOME say that footballers deserve their ludicrous wages, others say that
soldiers deserve the money instead.
It really makes you think, isn’t there some way people who pass their GCSEs
could have it?