Ah, hump day. Last weekend is a distant memory and this weekend feels a million years away. To get through the mid-week, here are some of our favourite jokes right now.
You don’t need alcohol to have fun.
You don’t need trainers to run either, but it fucking helps.
My wife asked me to pass her the lip balm but I gave her superglue instead.
She’s still not talking to me.
Tu Youyou: winner of the Nobel Prize and the most confusing person to sing Happy Birthday to.
Couldn’t believe it when I found a England rugby shirt just abandoned in the street in a carrier bag.
Those bastards are worth 5p now!
My Grandpa has the heart of a lion.
And a lifetime ban at the zoo.
If you ever get cold, just stand in a corner.
They’re usually about 90 degrees.
What’s orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
Why do you never see elephants hiding in trees?
They’re really good at it.