World Cup 2018 Jokes
Q: What did the ref say to the chicken who tripped a defender?
Tonite at the gym, a man told me he thought Italy could win the 2018 World Cup. I told him they had the same chances as the USA. He told me I was crazy & knew nothing about world football. I said “you mean soccer?” He walked away.
Q: I left two Australia tickets on my dashboard yesterday.
A: Someone smashed the window and left two more.
Talking World Cup at lunch a ‘lad’ joined in with the hot take of ‘you know, we put a run together who knows maybe we go one more than we did last time’ I asked who’s we, he said ‘us, the U.S’. I was gonna tell him, but he said he’s got his jersey ready, so why spoil the fun. Lol
Q: I left two Australia tickets on my dashboard yesterday.
A: Someone smashed the window and left two more.
I gave my wife $50 and told her to go out on Thursday and leave me in peace while I watched World Cup football.
“I won’t need that much,” she laughed.
“You will,” I said. “It’s got to last you five weeks.”
Girl: What jersey should I buy?
Guy: Buy a goalie’s jersey!
Girl: Why?
Guy: So I can tell people my girlfriend’s a keeper.
Q: What’s the difference between the England team and a tea-bag?
A: The tea-bag stays in the cup longer.
Three hours of football and the goal keeper is still England’s top scorer…
Q: Why was the best footballer in the world asked to tidy up their room?
A: Because they were Messi!
Q: Did you hear about the soccer player who lived passed a 100?
A: He’s still alive and kicking.
Q: What do you get if you see a Germany fan buried up to his neck in sand?
A: More sand
Q: What is the difference between Portugal and the bermuda triangle?
A: The bermuda triangle has three points.
Q: What tea do footballers drink?
A: PenalTea!
Q: What did Ronaldo sing to Messi.
A: When your playing a bunch of sports and your sweating through your shorts drink gatorade.
Q: Why don’t you not play soccer in the jungle?
A: There are too many cheetahs!
Q: What’s the difference between a Hibernian fan and a coconut?
A: You can get a drink out of a coconut!
Q: Why did the soccer player bring string to the game?
A: So she could tie the score
Q: Why did the soccer ball quit the team?
A: He was tired of being kicked around.
A blonde woman had a three-way with Pepe and Messi. 9 months later she had a baby boy but didn’t know who the father was so she named him Pepsi. They say that pessimists see the cup as half empty, and optimists as half full The Netherlands haven’t even seen the cup!
Guy: Wanna go out?
Girl: I have a boyfriend.
Guy: It’s just like soccer, just because there’s a goalie doesn’t mean you can’t score. Hey, did ya know I’m part of a soccer team? (Really?) Yeah, hopefully I score tonight.
Girl, can I get your Jersey? (What?) You know your name a number?
Wayne Rooney: ‘I’ve just had a good idea for strengthening the team.’ Manager: `Good! When are you leaving?’
Q: How many French Nationals does it take to change a light bulb?
A: As many as you like, but they’ll never see the light.
Q: What do you call a Nigerian futbol fan with an IQ of 10?
A: Supremely gifted!
What do you call an Englishman in the knockout stages of the World Cup?
A referee.
Hope you enjoyed this article. If you are thinking to hit a pub for the World Cup here is the Aussie Pub Guide to get a drink with FIFA Fever