Jokes So Bad They Might Be Good need a conversation starter or just a quiet laugh, we got you.

  • People think grass don’t be wet in the morning.. But it dew.
  • Why do Cow milking stools only have three legs? Because the cow has the udder.
  • My wife rang me from the pub and said, “if you’re not home in 10 minuets i’m giving the dinner i cooked you to the dog.” I was home in five minuets. I’d hate for anything to happen to the dog.
  • My wife is mad at me because i’m lazy.. I didn’t even do anything!
  • Today, my wife apologized to me for the first time ever… She said, She’s sorry she ever married me.
  • What happens when a frog parks illegally? They get toad.
  • For the past 25 years I’ve always had a card from a secret valentines admirer. I was upset i didn’t get one this year… First my grandma dies, now this.
  • When your girlfriend comes home in a white suit, covered in bee stings and smelling like honey… You know shes a keeper.
  • Science puns make me numb. Math puns make me number.
  • My mum said i cant make anymore breakfast puns, she said if i do i’m toast. My dad keeps egging me on. Hes such ham.
  • my wife says I wasted money by ordering a 3 meter wide frame for our wedding photo. Well I think she should look at the bigger picture.
  • We argued all day about what to call a medieval soldier. But it was getting late so i called it a Knight.
  • Iv been prescribed anti gloating cream.. I cant wait to rub it in.
  • As I looked at my naked body in the mirror… I realized that i was going to be kicked out of IKEA.
  • Dad, do you know why its so dark at night?.. No sun.
  • Every morning on my way to work, I slip on the frozen newspaper on our front porch… Iv fallen on hard Times.
  • True Australian fact, we have 4 seasons and they are names Autumn, Fuck it’s Cold Hey, Magpie Bastards, and Tropical Strength Aerogard.
  • 12 people were standing under an umbrella, how did non of them get wet?.. It wasn’t raining.
  • I ran into a lamppost yesterday. Luckily I only sustained light injures.
  • I used to hate facial hair, But then it grew on me.
  • Not sure if my sister knows geography but, Alaska.
  • I went to a psychic. I knocked on her front door. She yelled “Who is it?” So I left.
  • Why is dark spelt with a K? Because you can’t C in the dark.
  • A Roman walks into a bar, holds up two fingers and says: “I’ll have 5 beers, please.’
  • I’ve decided, that from the first of January, I’ll only be watching videos in 1080p or higher. That’s my New Year’s Resolution.
  • I asked my phone, “Siri, why am I so bad with women?” She said, “I’m Alexa, you moron.”
  • I was going to tell you a joke about boxing, but I forgot the punch line.
  • My Mum died because we could not remember her blood type, as she was dying she kept telling us to “Be positive” It’s hard without her.
  • I just read somewhere that someone gets stabbed in New York every 52 seconds. ‘Poor guy.’
  • . FIRST robber: “Now we’ve got the ski masks, we’ve short-circuited the CCTV cameras and we’ve used fake number plates on the getaway car. Are you sure there’s nothing else that could give away who we are?”
    . Second robber: “Nur-nur-nur nothing I can think of b-bu-bu-bu-bu boss, let’s d-d-d-do this sh-sh-shit!”
    Armed robbery. Let’s be honest, we’ve all been there, right? What? Oh right, in that case no neither have we and we certainly didn’t raid Ladbrokes in Leeds two years ago in an incident that resulted in two fatal shootings and in which the culprits are still at large, possibly having fled the country.
    But if you had a distinctive stutter, never a great thing at the best of times, you’d make sure the staff at the store you’re holding up at knife-point had never heard you before.
    So why on earth a 25-year-old Gareth Gates voice robber went back to former employees of Dunkin Donuts to steal the grand sum of $300 is slightly baffling.
    Unsurprisingly, the staff recognised his voice and duly informed the police who found him later that day sitting in a car park with the money.
    Still, if he has any sexual harassment problems at shower time in prison, the inmates will just have to learn that when a man says ‘nnn-n-n-nnnn-nn-nn-n-n-n no he means nnnn-n-nnn-nnnn-nn-nnnn no’.
  • I wanted to buy some camo pants, But couldn’t find any.

• YOU’VE heard the phrase: “he couldn’t stand up to a gust of wind.”
Usually, it’s just a bit of a glib exaggeration, but it would accurately describe a man in China this week, who was blown up a tree by a particularly strong gale.
The 20-year-old weakling was trying to repair the roof of his home in Beijing’s Shijingshan district when the wind caught him.
He was left clinging to the 45ft tree with both arms and legs dangling in the air until he was rescued by firefighters.
“Luckily I was blown onto a nearby tree, otherwise who knows where I would be. I was terrified and kept shouting for help,” said the man.
It’s not particularly amazing news to British Balls to be honest as we know a woman in Kings Cross who will blow off anything for the right price.

  • • WE all know that modern art is a load of horse shit – sometimes literally – but we’re slightly baffled by this latest artist.
    Abstract paintings by Cholla the horse, yes that’s Cholla the horse, are selling for more than £2,000 and the equine Picasso is set to have his exhibition in Venice.
    Owner Renee Chambers, 51, of Reno, Nevada, said she first noticed Cholla’s hidden talent four years ago when she painted the fence of his paddock.
    She said: “He seemed interested in what I was doing then one day my husband Robert joked to me that I should give Cholla a brush.
    “He hasn’t looked back since then, I give him the canvas and the paint and he just makes these wonderful pictures.
    “I have thought he might be the reincarnation of a famous artist, maybe Monet or someone, but the one thing he is is a horse who loves to paint.”
    We’re not sure why, but every time we see the picture of Cholla with a brush in his mouth, we keep thinking of Sarah Jessica-Parker giving a blowjob.
  • I was driving to the airport to catch my flight when I saw a sign that said: “Airport Left”. So I turned around and went home.
  • I hate the key E minor it gives me the E-B-G-Bs.

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