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We live in a society where pizza gets to your house before the police.

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny. If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich.

Fighting for peace is like fucking for virginity.
Virginity is like a soap bubble, one prick and it is gone.

What is the difference between acne and a catholic priest?
Acne usually comes on a boy’s face after he turns 12

How can you tell if you’re making love to a teacher, nurse or an airline stewardess?
A teacher says we got to do this over and over again til we get it right.
A nurse says hold still this won’t hurt a bit.
And an airline stewardess says put this over your mouth and nose and breathe normally.

I walked into a bar the other day and ordered a double. The bartender brought out a guy who looked just like me.

Did you hear about the moron who ate some pennies and then asked if people saw any change in him?

What do a blonde and a good beer have in common?
They both go down easy.

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it. He says, “Hey Dad! What are you doing?”
His father says, “I’m filling your mother’s tank.”
Little Johnny says, “Yeah? Well, you should get a model that gets better mileage. The milkman filled her this morning.”

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