I said to my dyslexic mate, “Guess which band has split up?”
He said, “Erm…” Dave, Dullwich
I fainted in the curry house when I heard REM had split up.
That’s me in the korma. Alison, Isleworth
Michael Stipe announced REM’s split from a bath of Muller yoghurt.
That’s him in the corner. Mike, Staines
Is nothing built in Britain nowadays?
I got a new TV the other day and on the box it said it was ‘BUILT IN ANTENNA’. John, Brighton
Why does Lady Gaga avoid train stations?
Because people often alert a member of staff when they notice her strange package. Phil, Bondi
Facebook gets more modifications than a disabled chavs Corsa. Alice, Paddington
I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs.
It was a ridiculously long name. Frank, Surry Hills
Some woman knocked on my door earlier and said that she had lost her dog.
She said, “If you help me find it I will let you fuck my fanny all night.”
I said, “What does it look like?”
She said, “It’s a big, black, fluffy thing.”
I said, “No thanks love, I’ll give it a miss.” Ben, Isleworth
What’s the worst thing about being a mass debater?
Only having odd socks. Trev, Wakely
“hit dat baby one more time”
The new single by master p featuring baby p. Paul, Darlinghurst