REM jokes 626I said to my dyslexic mate, “Guess which band has split up?”

He said, “Erm…” Dave, Dullwich

I fainted in the curry house when I heard REM had split up.

That’s me in the korma. Alison, Isleworth

Michael Stipe announced REM’s split from a bath of Muller yoghurt.

That’s him in the corner. Mike, Staines

Is nothing built in Britain nowadays?

I got a new TV the other day and on the box it said it was ‘BUILT IN ANTENNA’. John, Brighton

Why does Lady Gaga avoid train stations?

Because people often alert a member of staff when they notice her strange package. Phil, Bondi

Facebook gets more modifications than a disabled chavs Corsa. Alice, Paddington

I used to go out with a Welsh girl who had 36DDs.

It was a ridiculously long name. Frank, Surry Hills

Some woman knocked on my door earlier and said that she had lost her dog.

She said, “If you help me find it I will let you fuck my fanny all night.”

I said, “What does it look like?”

She said, “It’s a big, black, fluffy thing.”

I said, “No thanks love, I’ll give it a miss.” Ben, Isleworth

What’s the worst thing about being a mass debater?

Only having odd socks. Trev, Wakely

“hit dat baby one more time”

The new single by master p featuring baby p. Paul, Darlinghurst