Photo of the JokerRyan Giggs today admitted to suffering from homesickness, saying that even though he’s happy in Manchester he does Miss Wales occasionally.   
Timothy, Perth

I sent a player off in the first minute of a match today for deliberate handball.
He said: “You haven’t got a fucking clue what you’re doing, ref.”
I said: “Yeah, yeah. That’s what they all say… right lads, scrum down.”  
Terry, Bondi

Adele’s arse cheek brushed against my face earlier while she played a concert in London.
Strange because I was in Wigan at the time.  
Todd, Wigan

I went on Mastermind last week and my specialist subject was Manchester United.
John Humphreys said, “Question one: Which Man United player is known as the Welsh Wizard?”
I said, “I couldn’t say.”
He said, “Correct, question two…”
Peter, Coogee

Saw a werewolf at the bus stop this morning. Or possibly just a very hairy guy.
Either way, the silver bullets worked.
Thomas, Brisbane

My dad came up to me today and said, “Son, is there any chance that you can help me write the words to go in my will?”
“No problem,” I said. “Leave everything to me.”  
Frank, Cairns

My family branded me as a failure, then I invented an invisibility cloak.
If only they could see me now…  
Jimmy, Edgecliff

‘Barack Obama to stay at Buckingham Palace.’

Word of advice, your Majesty:
Don’t come out of the shower with a towel around your head.  
John, Brisbane

My celibate friend is so annoying. He doesn’t believe in fucking anything.   
Jack, Bondi

My new girlfriend could barely hide her disappointment when I first took my clothes off in front of her. We were halfway through Sunday lunch with her parents at the time. 
Ted, Bronte