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JOKE 1

WHAT do you call a pointless race that covers 2,200 miles throughout
France?
The French.
Womack & Womack, Ultimo

JOKE 2

MY wife walked out on me after I blew our life savings on a penis extension.
She said she couldn’t take it any longer.
Keith, Double Bay

JOKE 3

I’M GOING to take a picture of my firstborn son and use age progression
software to figure out what he’ll look like when he’s 16. Then I’m going to
frame the picture and keep it as a centrepiece in our house, something he’ll
grow up looking at.
Then when the appropriate time comes, he will realise that the picture is
actually of him.
Then I will try and convince him he’s a time traveller.
Luke, Wollongong

JOKE 4

STICKS and stones may break my bones.
Because I have Osteoporosis.
Caroline, Gold Coast

JOKE 5

I CAN’T stand those interfering people who bang on your door and tell you
how you need to be “saved” or you’ll “burn”?
Bloody firemen.
Johno, Melbourne

JOKE 6

“THE doctor removed my left ventricle and atrium,” Tom said half-heartedly.
Tom, Coogee
LAST night a hypnotist convinced me I was a soft, malleable metal with an
atomic number of 82.
I’m easily lead.
June, Araburn

JOKE 7

I MET a fairy today who granted me one wish. “I want to live forever,” I said.
“Sorry,” said the fairy, “I’m not allowed to grant wishes like that.”
“Fine,” I said, “I want to die when Stoke win the premier league.”
“You crafty bastard,” said the fairy.
Bobbi, Darwin

JOKE 8

A GAY guy asked me if I liked to blow people.
I told him I’m not a fan.
Jen, Alice Springs

JOKE 9

MY SON is at that stage where he’ll put anything in his mouth.
He’s 18 and gay.
Ben, Bondi
A DYSLEXIC friend of mine has been arrested at the World Cup for
attempting to blow a Zulu’s vulva.
James, Adelaide