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We’re still seeing the worst of it, with the Thames flooding most of the Thames Valley, and parts of Berkshire, and Somerset flooding causing billions of pounds worth of damage. As people are stranded in Staines, Shepperton, and Teddington, and are left to pile up their furniture to avoid the force of the UK flooding, David Cameron still doesn’t give a shit. And until he does, it would appear that the storm will continue to rage closer, and closer to London. So dealing with traumas the way we usually do, here’s a few UK flood jokes to help us ignore the sound of the windows about to blow in!
2012: Staines becomes “Staines-upon-Thames”.
2014: Staines becomes “Staines-under-the-Thames”. Mitch, Shepperton
As the house floated along, I saw a brilliant way to kill two birds with one stone. I wrapped a chain around my wife’s leg and threw her out the window, as a makeshift anchor.
…Ironic that fat floats. Robert, Teddington
I told my kids to remember to bring their armbands.
They said, “But dad, we’re not swimming in school today.”
“I know,” I replied, looking outside. “You’re swimming to school.” Richard, Teweksbury
I’m not saying these floods are bad, but the next time you’ll see Somerset is on a Time Team special. Dennis, Somerset
The Guardian: “Further storms to batter the UK”
The Sun : “Worst storms to hit the UK since 1700”
Daily Star: “Help We Are Drowning”
Daily Mail: “Duchess Kate sparkles in blue gown” Kate, Aberystwyth
In some parts of the country, the water is now up to three feet.
That must be Norfolk then? Kevin, Berkshire
What did the flood say to Staines?
Nothing, it just waved. Jodie, Staines
Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?
Most of Britain’s West Coast apparently. Walton-On-Thames