Celebrate today with some cracking St. Patrick’s Day jokes that will sure get you a few laughs from your hammered mates!
“What’s long & green & has a low I.Q.? A: a St. Patrick’s Day Parade”
An Irish man is sitting at a bar drinking
A flamboyantly gay man comes up to him and asks, “can i give you a blow job?”
The Irishman stands up and punches the gay man.
The bar tender comes over and asks, “Why did you hit that guy?”
The Irish man replied, “He said somethin about me gettin a job
“Why do leprechauns giggle when they play soccer? A: Cause the grass tickles their balls”
“I married an Irishman on St. Patrick’s Day.”
“Oh, really?”
“No, O’Reilly!”
“How did the Irish Jig get started? A: Too much to drink and not enough restrooms!”
“What’s the main difference between an Irish wedding and an Irish funeral? A: 1 less drunk at the party”
Paddy Reilly hoisted his beer and said: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life between the legs of me wife!” – and he took home the top prize for the best toast of the night.
In bed later that night, he told his wife: “Mary, I won the prize for the best toast of the night.” She said, “Aye, Paddy, what was your toast?”
So he told her: “Here’s to spending the rest of me life sitting in church beside me wife.”
“Oh,” she said, “that is very nice, dear.”
The next day, Mary ran into one of Paddy’s drinking partners in the street. Mischievously, the man said: “Did you hear about your husband winning a prize in the pub the other night for a toast about you, Mary?”
She replied: “Aye – and I was a bit surprised. Till now, he’s only been down there twice. Once he fell asleep, and the other time I had to pull him by the ears to make him come”.

“Why wasn’t Jesus born in Ireland? Because God couldn’t find 3 wise men or a virgin”
“How does every Irish joke start? A: By looking over your shoulder”
“What has eight arms and an IQ of 60? A: Four girlfriends drinking on St Patricks Day!”