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Celebrate the start of 2016 laughing your arse off with these New Year jokes.
My New Year’s Resolution is to have more sex. I haven’t told my cellmate yet, though.
1st January and already the hottest day of the year so far!
I’m so depressed; I haven’t had sex since last year.
Barbara Windsor has deserved to receive a damehood on the New Year’s honours list for years for services to sexual innuendo. It’s nice to see someone’s finally giving her one.
I upset a few people by letting off fireworks last night. Probably should have waited ‘til I got off the train.
My New Year’s resolution is to stop procrastinating. I’ll start in maybe, 2020. Maybe.
My New Year’s resolution is to only smoke after sex. So I’ve basically quit.
The New Year system for income tax will go something like this:
1. How much money did you make last year?
2. Send it to us.
My New Year’s resolution is to save enough money to buy a Velcro wall. And I plan on sticking to it.
My wife teased me that she’d be in something long and flowing this New Year’s Eve. I was disappointed to find out it wasn’t the Thames.
I’ve just broken two things with one punch: my New Year’s resolution and my wife’s nose.
Image courtesy of Nevit Dilmen