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Jokes 641: Drunks and SExistsI pointed to two old drunks across the bar from us and told my mate, “That’s us in 10 years” He said, “That’s a mirror. dickhead.” Richard, Darlinghurst

For centuries, men and women have argued over which is more painful: being kicked in the bollocks, or giving birth. So how can we reach an answer? Well, put it this way: about a year after a couple’s first child, a woman will often say, “Let’s have another baby.” But I challenge you to find a man who, one year on, will turn to his mate and say, “Tell you what, Dave… kick me in the bollocks again!” Will, Surry Hills

A bloke was standing at a bar and a beautiful woman was beside him so he leans over and says, “You remind me of my little toe”. She replies, “What?… You mean I’m small and cute?” He says “No. I’ll probably bang you on the coffee table later when I’m drunk.” Paul, Paddington

My nephew fell asleep at a recent house party we had. So for a laugh I shaved his eyebrows off and drew a cock on his head. But my sister went fucking mad when she looked into his cot. Ben, Kings Cross

Cowboy and his new wife checking into a hotel, clerk asks “Do you want the bridal?”. Cowboy answers “No I’ll just hold her ears till she gets used to it.” Angie, Adelaide

The girlfriend bought me a lovely new watch for my birthday. “Do you like it?” she said. “It’s great!” I said, “It will remind me of your vagina.” She laughed, “Is that because its exclusive and sexy?” I replied “Nah, its a bit loose around my wrist.” Lucy, Richmond

I met a beautiful woman by the lake the other day. There was a spark between us and she fell at my feet. As we lay together making love I thought to myself… these fucking tazers are well worth the money. James, Fremantle