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Jokes 635It’s almost that time of year again when that fat bearded person comes to the house to give the kids presents, god I hate the mother in law. Peter, St Kilda

The wife wanted an ADVENT CALENDAR for christmas

I decided to mix it up a bit, and got her a CARVED ANAL DENT instead. Chris, Bondi

Since it takes more energy to frown than it does to smile, you can help someone to lose weight by telling them how much of a fat bastard they are. Brian, Surry Hills

I was having a shit in the train toilet today, when some bloke knocked on the door.

He said, “Can I see your ticket please?”

“Not right now” I shouted, “I’m having a shit!”

He said, “I don’t believe you, can you pass it under the door?”

“No problem” I said, sliding it under, “The yellow bits are sweetcorn.” Megan, Brighton

For my next trick, I will eat a percussion instrument in a bap.

Drum roll please. Stuart, Adelaide

I was out in a club one night and someone threw cheddar at me!

I thought wow… thats mature! Lois, Darlinghurst