My neighbour threw me out of his fancy dress party for coming in a bunny outfit …
… which his 10-year-old daughter was wearing at the time. Henry, Bondi
What do you call a gay question?
A query. Jules, Paddington
I got fired from my job today.
Apparently, “Sorry, this is British Home Stores”, is not the way to greet ethnic minorities. Rachel, Greenwich
I passed my ethics exam today.
I cheated. George, Darlinghurst
I learnt 2 things today.
1 – Fernando Torres is an anagram of Torres is a cunt
2 – I’m dyslexic . Geoff, St Kilda
Chelsea have fined Fernando Torres and Raul Meireles 2 weeks wages after the pair were caught trying to board the bus back to Liverpool. Ed, Richmond
What bounces and makes kids cry?
My donation cheque to Children in Need. Bert, Clapham
I went to Curry’s with my wife the other day and i said, “What’s your favourite teletubby?”. “Tinky Winky” she replied. I said, “Shut up you fat bitch, what TV do you like the best?” David, Epsom
Whoever put “Too Cool to Do Drugs” on a pencil is a spastic.
Every time you sharpen it, it changes to “Cool to Do Drugs”, then “Do Drugs” and eventually “Drugs”. Dan, Surry Hills.