jokes 617

PADDY walks past a new pub and sees a sign in the window:

“SPECIAL OFFER: Pies 50p, w@nks 10p”

He can believe his luck! in he goes and sees a stunning blonde barmaid and asks her “are you the one that gives the w@nks?”

“Yes” she replied.

“Well” he says, “wash yer hands I want a pie”


GINGER vaginas..

Easier said than done.


APPLE have scrapped their plans for a new childens iPod.

Apparently iTouch Kids would only appeal to priests.

ME and my girlfriend hit a tight spot with money and were searching for stuff to sell. She picked up my hair clippers and said “You don’t really need these anymore, it’s been a while since you shaved your head”

“Good idea!” I said “Can I use them one last time though?”

“Of course” she replied

zhhhhzhhhhh zhhhh zhhhhzzhzhh

“…now we can sell your straighteners too”


I WAS sitting on the train this morning opposite a really sexy Thai bird.

I thought to myself, “Please don’t get an erection. Please don’t get an erection.”

But he did


THIS man is going for a walk on a beautiful, sunny day along the edge of a cliff. He is enjoying the view and the warmth of the sun on his chest.

The splendour is interrupted when he comes across a young girl, crying. He asks her what happened.

“Both my parents just fell off the cliff and died” she says.

He takes a look at her, unzips his flys and says “It’s not your lucky day is it!”


THE new cherry flavoured Pringles.

Once you pop you just can’t stop.