I hate hot weather. I have to keep my windows closed because all my neighbour’s kids seem to do is scream.
I’m seriously considering giving them back.
Timothy, Perth
I got an e-mail saying ‘At Google Earth we can read maps backwards!’
I thought, “That’s just spam.”
Terry, Bondi
I went to the best fortune-teller in Bangkok. She took one look at me, shook her head and scribbled something down on a piece of paper. She put it in an envelope and told me I must not open it until the next rainy day.
When it finally rained two weeks later, I cautiously opened the envelope. It said: “It’s raining today.”
Todd, Coogee
My daughter is at that stage where she finds it embarrassing to be seen out with me.
When I dropped her off at school she wouldn’t even kiss me goodbye.
She just left me standing there in my underpants and sombrero.
Peter, Coogee
It’s been announced that a 3D movie of Glee is in the works.
Apparently the 3D is so good, it feels like the characters are literally pulling you out of the closet.
Thomas, Brisbane
Some Africans earn as little as one pound a day. The lazy bastards.
Jimmy, Edgecliff
“Americans insist Osama’s burial at sea is a Muslim tradition.”
Five Minutes later… “Americans admit to confusing Muslims with Vikings”
John, Brisbane
IF Osama bin Laden could hear the sick jokes being told about him, he would be turning in his wave.
Jack, Bondi
I won £10,000 on a scratchcard last week and the wife said we should draw up a list of what to spend it on.
“Well, I’m going to book a holiday for one.”
“Oh goody” she screamed excitedly, “I can’t wait!”
Can’t help thinking she misunderstood what I said.
Frank, Cairns
