It’s that time of year again;  fancy dress shops make a killing, kids need an extra visit to the dentist and everyone looks a little worse for wear. Yes, chaps, we’re talking Halloween, and in the spirit of the not-so-festive season, here are some Halloween jokes to get your vampire teeth into.

This Halloween, David Beckham will be bringing an embalmed corpse to the party.
His wife.
Bill, St Kilda

I’m not saying my wife is ugly, but we save a packet on the Halloween costume.
David, Northbridge

I’m going to a Halloween party in Essex and wanted to really scare the locals.
So I’m going as a book.
Will, London

Thanks to Ebola, the scariest costume might turn out to be that sexy nurse uniform.
John, Port Douglas

I’m going to terrify the local farm animals this Halloween and dress up as David Cameron.
Luke, Fremantle

It’s a shame that young people today no longer know why we celebrate Halloween.
None of us would be here today if Jesus hadn’t assassinated that bloody giant pumpkin.
Sheila, Brisbane

You know you’re living in a posh area when this Halloween you’re washing quail eggs off your front door.
Jane, Subiaco

When will fat girls learn that they don’t look sexy dressed as cats just because it’s Halloween?
Clark, Manly

Joe Hart wanted to dress up as a ghost for Manchester City’s Halloween party but he hasn’t got any clean sheets.
Sam, Sydney

My Halloween pumpkin has more teeth in it than the guests of Jeremy Kyle put together.
Anne, Gold Coast