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Because we can’t get through the month without a few laughs, here are our jokes for February, including The Cosby Show, Drake and vacuuming. Quite literally nothing is off limits.
My wife was so wasted at a cocktail party and accused me of sleeping with her best friend, but she’s got it all wrong. It was her sister, I wouldn’t go anywhere near her best friend.
Duncan, Mount Buggery
Watching the reruns of “The Cosby Show” has left many viewers on high alert about falling asleep while it’s on.
Darnel, Surfers Paradise
Everyone in my family boasts a big penis and so do I. All the way from my daddy’s daddy, to my daddy and down to me.
It’s in my jeans!
Nick, Darlinghurst
Sometime I take baths because I find it hard drinking wine in the shower.
Gemma, Darwin
I don’t have a dirty mind. It’s just a sense of humour littered with adult content.
Ryan, Paddington
When I see adverts with women smiling while doing the vacuuming, I don’t think, “Mmm, that must be a good vacuum”. Nope, all I want to know is where I can get the meds that those women must be on.
Karen, Adelaide
Mikey told his wife he wanted a guitar to play while sitting in the Jacuzzi. “The next day she bought him an electric guitar.”
Lana, Cockburn
I hooked up with this babe at the club and went back to her place to get down to business then she played some music. It was a Drake album and by the end of it I had helped her put her clothes on and get back with her ex.”
Chris, Yorkey’s Knob
What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and acne? Acne doesn’t come on a boy’s face until he’s 13.
Helen, Woolloomooloo
What’s the difference between an onion and a hooker? I don’t cry when I’m cutting up the hooker.
Liam, Melbourne
What’s the worst thing about getting your keys locked in your car outside an abortion clinic?
Having to go in to ask for a coat hanger.
Pete, Sydney