the_expendables_poster_final jackassBruce Willis is a lot like Charlie Sheen: big in the 80s and now his old slot is being filled by Ashton Kutcher.

Steven Spielberg was busy discussing his new action adventure about famous classical composers. Bruce Willis, Sylvester Stallone and Arnold Schwarzenegger were in the room.
“Who do you want to play?” Spielberg asked Bruce Willis. “I’ve always been a big fan of Chopin,” said Bruce. “I’ll play him.”
“And you, Sylvester?” asked Spielberg.
“Mozart’s the one for me!” said Sly.
“And what about you?” Spielberg asked Arnold Schwarzenegger.
“I’ll be Bach,” said Arnie.

Apparently Sly Stallone is in talks to make Rocky 7. In this one he’ll fight Arthritis.

Jet Li walked into a pub in New York with his pal. He says to his pal: “Hey! That’s Steven Spielberg over there! God, I wish he’ll come over to say “hi”.
Spielberg suddenly walked over and gave the man a punch on the nose.
Li : “Hey!! What that’s for?!”
Spielberg : “You bloody Japanese killed my granddad when youbombed Pearl Harbour!”
Li : “I’m not Japanese! I’m Chinese!”Spielberg : “Chinese, Vietnamese, Japanese, you’re all the same!”
Spielberg walks back to the other side. Then Jet Li calmly walks over to Spielberg and gives him a really heavy punch on the face.
Spielberg: “Hey! What that’s for….. !?!”
Spielberg : “No, I didn’t, an iceberg sank the Titanic!”
Li : “Iceberg, Carlsberg, Spielberg, you’re all the same!”

Jason Statham beat his junk once and woke up the next morning to find his package in a witness protection programme.

Dolph Lundgren once had a staring competition with one of the heads on Easter Island and won.

Chuck Norris says everything is, “the best thing since Chuck Norris” since he’s always karate chopped his own bread into slices.