I’ve changed my facebook name to ‘Nobody actually’.
Just to screw with people’s heads when I like their statuses. Sarah, Coogee
I was in a butcher’s shop in London this morning, “have you got any pork pies?” I asked.
“Certainly” replied the butcher, “the Queen’s real name is Alfie Noakes and I shagged Cheryl Cole with my 2 foot long penis last night” Gav, Bow
As my mouth slowly started to fill up with another man’s cum I made a mental note to myself…
Never go down on a girl from Essex again. Sam, Paddington
I hate Russian dolls.
They’re so full of themselves Paul, Fremantle
A little girl down my road went missing this morning. Her parents asked everyone in the neighbourhood to help search for her.
They didn’t seem too impressed when I came out of the house with my scuba gear. Richy,Kings X
My new girlfriend was on her knees, unzipping me.
“I call my cock Carlsberg” I said, “because it’s probably the best in the world.”
After a few seconds she replied, “You’re right with the Carlsberg. It tastes of stale piss.” Sean, Leeds
The sun in Scotland is a bit like Justin Bieber’s homosexuality.
We know it’s there but it just won’t come out. Craig,Glasgow
Sometimes i like to crouch down, pull my legs up towards my chest, tuck my head in really tight and then move forward….. A little strange i know, but thats how i roll Sara, Newcastle
What’s the difference between February and Amy Winehouse?
February makes it to 28! Billy London