In the German parliament yesterday Angela Merkel voted AGAINST same sex marriage.
Which is ironic considering she looks like a lesbian.
Matt, Paddington

I’m starting to get self-conscious about my body odour. On my last two dates, the woman has sprayed me with perfume before we had sex.
Not sure of the brand but it had a distinct sharp, peppery smell.
Nathan, Exmouth

What’s grey, square, sits and the end of your bed and takes the piss?
Kidney dialysis machine.
Terry, Fremantle

Just read in the paper that ‘Rape Threat Man’ has been put on the sex offenders list.
How someone with a name like that slipped through the net in the first place is beyond me.
Barry, Kings Cross

Man: Excuse me, madam, can I smell your vagina?
Woman: No you most certainly cannot.
Man: Well perhaps it’s your feet then?
Trent, Manly

I made love to a woman against her will last night.
I have a fetish for legal documents.
Richard, Balmoral

What’s the difference between a Woman and KFC?
Nothing.
When you’re finished with the leg and the breast, you still have a greasy box to stick your bone into.
Milton, St Kilda

Ben Affleck goes to the doctors and says, “Doctor doctor, every time I look in the mirror I get aroused.”
The doctor replies, “I’m not surprised…you’re a c*nt.”
Tessa, Cottesloe

What’s got 99 balls and fucks old ladies? Bingo.
Sarah, Richmond

My 3 year old daughter was staying at her granny’s house and was having a shower with her gran. She points down and asked, “What’s that?”
Granny replied, “That’s my beaver.”
The next day my daughter was in the shower with her mum and points down and says, “I know what that is, it’s your beaver.”
Mum, taken aback with this says, “Oh how do you know that?”
“Gran told me, but I think hers is dead because it’s blue and it’s tongue is hanging out!”
Nancy, Fitzroy