funny jokes

“Excuse me, any ideas as to what I do with this helmet?”

“Sorry I don’t, the entire concept goes over my head.” Sarah, Windsor

I hate Auto Correct. I just texted my Nan for Sex tonight by mistake.

I meant ‘Tomorrow’ John, Petersham

What do you get when you cross a railway with a fridge?

Killed. Pete, Potts Point

Q. Have you heard about the new super-sensitive condoms?
A. They hang around after the man leaves and talks to the woman. Jamie, Perth

‘I’ve got 99 problems and they’re all FABULOUS!’

– Gay-Z Jim, Coogee

BBC News – Tesco reveals 2.3% fall in sales over Christmas.

I’m looking at you Anthony Worrall Thompson!!! Graham, Darlinghurst

Probably a good thing that Ashley Young left Aston Villa for Manchester United, other wise their strike force would have been ‘Young, Keane and Bent’ David, Bondi

Boy- Why do you straighten your hair?
Girl- To make it longer.
*Boy’s in hospital*
Girl- How did you burn your dick? Jen, Croydon

Q. How do you make your girlfriend scream while having sex?
A. Call her and tell her. Mike, Darwin

Who will take the second shot in this snooker game?

Find out after the break. Barnaby, Glasgow

How do you make a Pirate angry?

Take the P out of him. Sara, Leeds

Q. I married Miss Right.
A. I just didn’t know her first name was “Always.” Eamon, Brisbane

How do you start a rave in Africa?

Glue toast to the ceiling. [email protected]

Having a girl with a tattoo on the back of her neck is much like having a bathroom with a magazine in it –

It gives you something to read while you’re in the shitter. Mark, Kings Cross

Q. What doesn’t belong in this list : Meat, Eggs, Wife, Blowjob?
A. Blowjob: You can beat your meat, eggs or wife, but you can’t beat a blowjob. Simon, Surry Hills

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