Whether you’re in the UK and saying goodbye to summer or residing in Australia and longing for it to properly begin, we’re all in need of a good laugh, so here are the best jokes in September for your amusement!
“You fancy my best friend, don’t you?” asked my wife.
“If given the choice…” I replied, “I’d rather have sex with you then her.”
“You mean ‘than’.”
“No.”
What’s worse than finding a hole in your condom?
Finding a condom in your hole!
My mate asked me why I have sex noises saved on my iPod.
I said, “It’s for sound effects during sex.”
He asked, “Your wife a bit quiet in the sack?”
I replied, “No, I work in a morgue.”
The BBC recently commissioned a nationwide survey into how often children can be bullied at school over their intelligence, and the results make difficult reading.
For the thickos.
My wife started cooking for our guests and told me to prepare the table.
So I went in and told them all about her cooking.
My girlfriend had just passed her driving test so she drove me to town. It was packed but we managed
to find a space but she was nervous about doing a parallel park.
“I’m confident in you, babe. Just do what you did in the test” I said.
She slowly started unbuttoning my flies.
I went to the police station and said, “I’d like to report a rape.”
Thirty seconds later, they’d sat me in a private room with a counsellor and a cup of tea.
“Wow!” I thought to myself. “They don’t half treat you well when you hand yourself in.”
‘Our Cilla’ has died and gone to Heaven, she’s ‘God’s Cilla’ now. So expect her to be attacking
Tokyo in the upcoming weeks.
Nicole Scherzinger has gone from Lewis Hamilton to Ed Sheeran.
Guess orange really is the new black.
