Being dumped by text is pretty rough, right? Not that we hold grudges or anything. Really, we’re fine now…Â ANYWAY. A simple text apparently isn’t good/painful enough for those famous faces. Charles Saatchi decided to let wife Nigella Lawson (and the rest of the world) know that he was divorcing her by announcing it to a national newspaper. Stay classy, Saatchi!
As always, you can count on us to try and make light of a “situation”, so here are some Nigela Lawson and Charles Saatchi jokes that are bound to make you let out a throaty chuckle…ahem. Also, did we ever find out why Nigella wore a burkini?
What’s Charles Saatchi’s favourite band?
The Stranglers.
Charles Saatchi has insisted that when he held his wife Nigella Lawson by the throat, he was simply “emphasising a point”.
Having accepted an official caution, the police then threw him down three flights of stairs, also to emphasise a point.
How does Charles Saatchi like to ride his motorbike?
Full throttle.
Ooh, Charles Saatchi is back on the market, ladies! Form an orderly queue!
At 70 years of age, Charles Saatchi’s hearing isn’t what it was.
At the end of their meal, all Nigella said was “Darling, please grab my coat”.
Charles Saatchi has been cautioned by police. “Eat inside the restaurant next time,” they advised.
If I had the opportunity to squeeze Nigella Lawson, her throat wouldn’t be my first choice…
Charles Saatchi has made it up to his wife Nigella Lawson by buying her jewellery.
He’s given her a choker.
“She had a tiny lock of hair sticking up and I was smoothing it down for her” – Charles Saatchi explains dropping grand piano on wife’s head.
Producers of the next Star Trek film say they want Charles Saatchi to play the role of Spock.
They reckon his Vulcan death grip is the best they’ve ever seen.
Keep the laughter going, have a look at our best jokes this month
