Liam Gallagher, Russell Brand, George Michael, Kate Moss, Naomi Campbell…
Christ, it’s a good job they don’t do drug tests for the closing ceremony. Tim, Surry Hills
I saw a bag today with Jessie J’s face on it.
Shouldn’t it be the other way around? James, Perth
I saw my neighbour jogging at 1am this morning.
I said, “It’s a bit late for you Michelle, isn’t it?”
“I couldn’t sleep,” she replied.
“That’s not what I meant, you fat cow.” Callum, Bondi
I tried to log on to my computer this morning but it wouldn’t let me in.
I shouted to my wife, “Babe, have you changed the password on the PC?”
“What is it?”
“It’s the date of our anniversary.”
Bitch. Laura, Coogee
“Hello, is that the police? I’d like to report a missing child!”
“Okay, sir. When did you see him last?”
“When I was on the landing counting to ten!” Paddy, Kings Cross
My friend rang me today and said, “I’ve just found out my girlfriend’s cheating on me.”
I said, “We’ve all been there mate…
…your girlfriend that is.” Chris, Fitzroy
Two egg’s boiling in a pan,one turns to the other and say’s,
“hey,look at me,I’ve got a crack!”
To which the other egg replies,
“it’s no good telling me,I’m not even fuckin hard yet!” Jason, Richmond
I’ve recently joined my local boxing club and the trainer there suggested that I tried skipping to get fitter.
After doing this for an hour, he handed me a rope and said, “Use this. You won’t look as gay” David, Balmoral
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