I’m not saying my wife’s a fat bitch..
But giving her a hug requires a run-up.
Ron, Darlinghurst
The catholic church doesn’t believe in sex before marriage.
Sex before puberty however…
Joel, Surry Hills
My mates are such pranksters.
I had my 40th birthday party last night, and none of them turned up. Classic.
Mike, Brisbane
So, England’s hopes of a Champions League winner rest with Arsenal.
That’s like relying on Jimmy Savile as your babysitter.
Ben, St Kilda
My wife found our wedding video in the bin.
Angry, she said, “Do you mind telling me what this is about?”
I replied, “It’s a documentary about a young man signing his life away.”
Robin, Brunswick
I’m not saying I need a pube trimmer, but when I get an erection it looks like Pinocchio has joined the Taliban..
Lance, Adelaide
On the label it says “Please drink responsibly.”
Well, I’ve got my seat belt on..
Louise, Canberra
They say when a dog starts shitting in the house, it’s on its way out and should be put down.
Two days I had that puppy.
Aaron, Sydney
People have put Kim and Kanye’s names together to get, ‘Kimye’….
I think a more accurate name would be..
Slunt.
Toady, Perth
I met a girl at the weekend and I’ve been texting her non-stop ever since.
I just hope she replies soon.
Tim, Bondi
“My Wife went to America last week”..”Chicago?”…”No of course not she went as a passenger”
Adam, Manly
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