Wayne Goes QuackersDonald Duck. Daffy Duck. Count Duckula. The Mighty Ducks. Mankind’s love affair with quack-billed crumb guzzlers has been well documented over the years, so it was perhaps inevitable that one day our web-footed friends would challenge the duopoly of dogs and cats to mount a serious challenge for the title of man’s best friend. Plus their shit is a lot easier to clean up.

And in the first recorded instance of a duck taking the first waddling steps towards full-blown domesticity, a bloke in Romsey has started taking his pet duck on holiday to Spain.

“People sort of look gobsmacked when they see me and Boris walking around everywhere together and they can’t work it out,” said Wayne O’Donnell, who The Sun euphemistically describe as ‘a bachelor’ (when what they actually mean is sad bastard). “He doesn’t think he’s a duck at all, he is an unusual pet agreed – but ducks are very intelligent creatures. People say to me, ‘why have you got a duck?’ and I say, ‘why have you got a dog?’.”

Presumably the next question people want to ask is ‘why don’t you have a girlfriend’ but by that stage it’s obvious. The bloody freak now takes Boris on his annual holidays to the Costa Brava. “I’ve got mates there and they didn’t believe I had a duck that walked around with me, so I thought, ‘right, I’ll prove it’,” he said.

“It was brilliant in Spain because I could take Boris everywhere – the streets were narrow so he could walk around and he even came on the beach with me.” But bizarrely, the frigging duck doesn’t like water.
“Unfortunately, I didn’t teach him how to swim,” said Wayne. “I used to take him out on canal boats and he stayed on the deck because he doesn’t like getting wet.”

So not only does he have a crap pet, he has a crap useless pet. Well done Wayne.

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