It’s an established fact that in Australia, almost all forms of wildlife will kill you given the chance. From redback spiders to brown snakes to drop-bears, the continent is crawling with killer critters just waiting to sink their claws, fangs or elongated beaks into you. Even the cute and cuddly koala is riddled with chlamydia.
So in the UK, it’s kind of laughable that the most dangerous wild animal is the badger – and that’s only because they give you tuberculosis.
Well laugh no more because badgers are raising their game after a family of the burrowing bastards manage to cut off an entire village by creating a massive sinkhole in the middle of the main road. They never did that in Wind in the Willows.
The gaping chasm is on the only road in and out of Shingle Street, a hamlet of white-walled stone cottages on the Suffolk coast, about 12 miles from Ipswich. It’s so big that lorries and vans can’t drive down it. Small cars can just about squeeze through.
The badgers can’t be harmed because they are a protected species, said a spokesman. The cunning fuckers.
“We are working with Natural England to find a solution to repair the road, and a micro-bridge has been ordered to be constructed over the sinkhole,” said the spokesman, possibly while a badger had a gun to his head. “This will enable all vehicles to get in and out of Shingle Street. We have also worked hard to keep residents informed of the situation and kept them updated throughout.”
Next week, a family of otters cause a flood in a small village in Shropshire – and demand a $500,000 to fix it.