Here’s our favourite picks from your jokes.
Warning: Not for the easily offended…but you’re going to read them anyway aren’t you?
What do you call two epileptics in a swimming pool? A Jacuzzi! Jay, Port Lincoln
Ever hear about the blind man that bled to death? He was trying to read a cheese grater. Phil, Helensvale
What do you call a Scouser in a suit? The accused. Jack, Nowra
Why were women created? Sheep can’t cook. Howard, Surrey Hills
What’s pink, wrinkly and hangs out your trousers? Your Nan. Omar, Cranbourne
Roses are red, violets are blue. I’ve got a gun, get in the van. Ian, Singleton
How can you recognise a gynaecologist? He’s wearing his watch above his elbow. Geoff, Buderim
Wives can only be one of three kinds: 1. Pretty but unfaithful 2. Faithful but ugly 3. Pretty, faithful and inflatable Chris, Stirling
I’m going to change my Facebook name to Benefits, so when someone adds me it will say: You are now friends with Benefits. Steve, Marion
How can you tell that Keira Knightley doesn’t exist? Because the camera adds ten pounds. Will, Sunbury
My wife started going berserk after one too many weight jibes: She screamed, “If you keep up with these fat jokes, you’ll drive me to suicide!” “Well I’d have to – you wouldn’t walk, would you?” Clive, Churchill
Sex Box on Channel 4. Next week: Wank Sock Richard, Smithfield
I’ve robbed seven banks now. Five more and I shouldn’t have to buy pens for a year. Dan, Bowen
I’m never shopping in Iceland again. Those Authentic Aberdeen Anus burgers tasted like shit. Larry, Mackay
How to embarrass an archeologist: Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from. Stan, Cooroy
What do you call a woman who doesn’t know how to make a sandwich? Single. Frank, Ipswich
What do you call a guy who gets drinks for fat girls? A bartender. Dave, Newcastle
What’s the difference between E.T. and an illegal immigrant? E.T. went home Victor, St Kilda
Vaginas are like the weather. When it’s wet, it’s time to go inside. Ollie, Gosford
My penis was in the Guinness Book Of Records. Until the librarian kicked me out. Grant, Milton
Son: Dad, do you remember your first blowjob? Dad: Ohh you bet! Son: How did it taste? Dad: Get out. James, Wollongong
My girlfriend’s Dad asked me what I do. Apparently “your daughter” wasn’t the right answer. Rob, Chermside
One Christmas, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause: “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause replied: “Ok, send me your mother.” Tom, Liverpool
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