If you’re struggling to get back into the swing of things at work following the Easter long weekend, here are some jokes about God, Spiderman and women to get you through the day.
They’re going to start playing porn at the fuel pumps….
This is so you can watch someone else being fucked at the same time as you.
Jason, Alice Springs
I was watching the God channel with my disabled little sister the other day. After around thirty minutes, she rose from her wheelchair and walked across the room.
I stood up and screamed, “It’s a miracle.”
She turned around and replied, “No, I just can’t stand to listen to this shit anymore,” turned the TV off and collapsed in a heap in the middle of the room.
Amy, Darwin
A woman brings 8-year-old Johnny home and tells his mother that he was caught playing doctors and nurses with Mary, her 8-year-old daughter.
Johnny’s mother says, “Let’s not be too harsh on them…. they are bound to be curious about sex at that age.”
“Curious about sex?” replies Mary’s mother. “He’s taken her fucking appendix out!”
Dylan, Northbridge
I was walking in a cemetery this morning and saw a bloke hiding behind a gravestone. I said “morning.”
He replied, “No, just having a shit.”
Kevin, Cairns
We call our grandfather “Spiderman”.
He hasn’t got any super powers – he just finds it difficult to get out of the bath.
Helen, Margaret River
Women are like parking spaces, normally all the good ones are taken. So, occasionally, when no one’s looking, you have to stick it in a disabled one.
Nigel, Surry Hills
Little Johnny walks into his parents’ bedroom to find his Dad giving his Mum one. His Dad smirks and throws a pillow at the door saying, “Get outta here, you little shit!”
A couple of hours later Dad hears a whole lot of commotion coming from little Johnny’s bedroom. He goes up to find little Johnny giving his Grandma a right royal seeing to.
Little Johnny smiles, “It’s not so fucking funny when it’s your Mum, is it?”
Patrick, Yorkeys Knob