steve-coppell-415x275RICHARD ‘Crystal Maze’ O’Brien has been banging his bald bonce against a brick wall after being denied a visa to retire to New Zealand, despite the fact if you spray him green he could easily pass for a goblin in the next Hobbit movie.

And for those of you struggling to get a visa Down Under, it must be nigh bloody impossible to get into New Zealand these days. Take a look at O’Brien’s credentials. The 68-year-old Brit emigrated to New Zealand with his family when he was 10 years old and spent 12 years in the country before moving to London.

His siblings still live there, and so did his parents until they passed away four years ago.
“I just want to die in New Zealand,” said O’Brien (left). “It’s my home; it always has been and it always will be. (New Zealand) has always given me a great deal of strength and comfort and I have my brother and sister and more family there. It’s just home. So we’re going to be asking the minister to grant an exception to the policy because he is who he is.”

And because you’re famous as well Richard, presumably. What they should do, is seal Richard in a big glass Crystal with hundreds of silver and gold pieces of paper, one of which has the visa on. Then someone shouts ‘start the fans please!’ – if he finds it in a minute, he gets to keep it.