• WE can’t help but be confused about what to make of this story, given that we are big believers in breast feeding but fear for our lives when a woman controlling a vehicle does so much as lift their little finger off the steering wheel. So we’ll leave it for you to decide if Alice Springs police should have arrested a teenage 
mum for breastfeeding her hungry kid while driving her car.
OK, it would be wrong of us not to mention that just before she was pulled over, the 19-year-old almost crashed into a cop car.
Oh, and she was so drunk she couldn’t give a breath test. And she was already banned from driving after a previous offence.
And we should probably inform you that the woman was also driving an unregistered and uninsured vehicle.
Yeah, as much as the vision of a 19-year-old breastfeeding is hard to get past, we’d probably agree with Northern Territory Duty Superintendent Jamie Chalker’s assessment that people should be “absolutely outraged”.
He said this was the first time he’d ever heard of a mum being caught driving while breastfeeding, and added: “A five-month-old child was placed at significant risk, and had the police officers not been able to brake to avoid the collision, then the outcome could’ve been even more horrific.
“It just challenges the mind that people can be so flippant about road laws and people’s lives, particularly their young kids.”
The baby was placed in the care of relatives who thankfully were able to give it a few Jagerbombs to ‘settle the nerves’.
The young mum was charged with six offences and should probably start saving up her milk for when she’s next able to see her child. Unfortunately, they will have probably gone off the taste by the time they reach 18 years of age.
• IF we’ve said it once we’ve said it a thousand times – if you are going to pick up an old dear off the roadside and put it in the back of your 
car, just make damn sure it’s dead first. Well, the rules are exactly the same for old deers.
Sadly 25-year-old Polish driver Dariusz Kaminski failed to heed our warning and is facing a prison sentence after the ‘dead’ deer he left on the back seat of his car regained consciousness.
Kaminski told cops he’d picked up the deer from a grass verge on his way to work in his tiny Fiat 126. He thought it was killed crossing the road in Lublin, east Poland, but it was just stunned.
The deer later came to in the parked car after Kaminski had gone to work. Passers-by then called the police after the deer stood on the car horn.
Kaminski has been charged with animal cruelty, and also illegal possession of a wild animal which carries a maximum sentence of five years imprisonment.
The deer has been taken to a sanctuary where it will have to walk around itself and no longer be chauffeur driven.
• IF a mate of yours borrowed your trailer and refused to give it back on time, what would you do? Phone him up and demand it back? Take something of his in retaliation? Bite his penis off?
Well, Wojciech Sowinski, the best friend of mortified Marian Milczarek, from Lesna in south west Poland, went for option three.
Marian was rushed to hospital after telling doctors his buddy bit his penis off in a row – and swallowed it for good measure.
“He began hitting me with a chain and then pulled down my trousers and started biting. It was agony” he squeaked.
Police and medics could find no trace of Marian’s missing genitalia, and believe Sowinski – facing 10 years in jail – ate it.
“If we’d had the other bit of his penis we could have sewn it back on,” said Dr Adam Domanasiewicz.
It had better have been a fucking good trailer.
• THE STEREOTYPE that Germans have no discernible sense of humour looks to be a thing of the past after a helicopter rescue team were scrambled when screams were heard in a German forest – only to find a man laughing his head off at a new book.
A woman dialled 999 as she thought she could hear someone being tortured in woodland near Elmstein, western Germany.
But ‘victim’ Roland Hofmann was astonished when armed police surrounded his car, which he had driven into the forest, and ordered him to give himself up and release his hostage.
He told cops he’d gone to the forest to read “in peace and quiet”.
“We realise that people think the sound of Germans laughing is unusual, but we’re sure the caller meant well,” said one officer before heading back to the station to chortle at The Love Guru.
• DO you want the good news or the bad news? Well, the good news is that fishermen in the Philippines have caught one of the rarest sharks in the world. The bad news is they’ve eaten it.
The megamouth shark is one of the most elusive species in the world – the one eaten by the fishermen was only the 41st ever spotted. We hope it tasted good boys.
The four-metre, half-tonne fish was accidentally snared by fishermen trawling for mackerel off the coast of Donsol.
A WWF representative, Mr Hulk Hogan, said the shark was butchered and its meat sautéed in coconut milk as a local delicacy, against the conservation group’s advice.
Ironically, Donsol had earned a reputation for marine conservation.
Yeah right, and BBM has a reputation for good fucking taste.
