NOW we don’t condone animal cruelty here at BBM, unless it’s really, really funny and we have to admit our first reaction was amusement rather than outrage when hearing that an American man was arrested after allegedly stuffing his cat in a homemade bong in a bid to calm the mardy moggy down. 
Police say 20-year-old Acea Schomaker blew marijuana smoke into the device through a garden hose after putting the female kitty inside it with the giggle gas circulating. He allegedly told officers that the six-month-old animal, called Shadow, had been “hyper”.
Lancaster County Sheriff Sergeant Andy Stebbing, who helped rescue Shadow, said: “This cat was just dazed. She was on the front seat of the car, wrapped in a blanket, and never moved.”
Mr Schomaker – from the redneck haven of Omaha, Nebraska – was discovered smoking the drug through the hose, attached to the glass and plastic box in which the cat was stuffed.
Police were there to arrest him on other drugs charges when they saw the contraption move. The dope now faces both drug and animal cruelty charges. His legal team hope he won’t make a hash of things during testimony.
The cat is fine but has developed a habit of going to the local service station to buy Pot Noodles and Monster Munch at 3am.
• THERE are so many creams, powders, injections, lotions and potions used by athletes now that the line between what is and isn’t legal is blurred 
– but men being banned from competing in a women’s competition is a fairly hard and fast rule (excuse the pun).
But we can’t help feeling a bit sorry for Chinese athlete Xiao Nan who won dozens of medals in female events, but has had to throw most of them away after realising she is really a bloke.
She/he/he-she won more than 40 medals in student events and the amazing performances won her great honour and free access to university education. But she is ashamed now hospital tests confirmed Xiao’s suspicions that she was really a man.
“Being a champion was never a happy thing to me. I felt guilty. I felt I often had an impulse or desire for women not men. And my body is more like a man than a woman,” Xiao said.
Hospital tests confirmed she had male chromosomes and she is now living as a man and will have sex change surgery.
“The first thing I want to do after the surgery is to go swimming, wearing only boxer shorts,” she said. She should have a fully functional lunch box next year. Linford Christie look out.
• IF you’re going to turn up at an event which bills itself as an “anything goes” sex party you’d expect to flash a bit of flesh, but you only really know what a sex maniac truly is when the refusal to peel off your pants causes a “mini riot”.
This was the case at the Australian nudist resort of White Cockatoo, near Port Douglas, Queensland, which is promoting a month of hedonism to boost sagging tourism figures.
Police (who will be hoping that this venue becomes a trouble black spot) were called amid threats of violence and ordered the fully clothed Brisbane man and his wife to leave the party.
Owner Tony Fox said the ruckus erupted when four naked women protested when confronted by the fully-clothed man.
“They felt uncomfortable with him eyeing them up and I asked him to show some respect and take his clothes off,” he said.
“He then threatened to bash me, there was some argy-bargy and I ordered him off the premises and police were called.”
If you can get arrested for not being naked then the next time we go and pick our little sister up from school may be interesting.
• 
JUST as affairs can be costly to your marriage, marriage can be a costly affair – but it’s come to something when a desperate groom stages four bank robberies, netting more than £300,000, and still isn’t able to satisfy the demands of Bridezilla.
Ahmed Boyer, 36, was caught when an off duty policeman grabbed him as he fled a bank in Vienna after he attempted heist number five as his wife-to-be’s plans for a huge white wedding got out of hand.
His efforts still weren’t enough for his fiancee who demanded 500 guests, a Chanel gown, a new car for the drive to the service and a Caribbean honeymoon.
“The wedding was costing a lot of money and I realised I would never be able to pay for it,” he told the court. “The money from the first robbery went in a day so I just kept going.”
At least there is one saving grace – his devil woman can’t bother him where he’s going. The boys in the shower, however …
• A RUSSIAN policeman has revealed that when he say he enjoys a light snack, he really means it.
Evgeny Kuznetsov, 38, has declared that he is addicted to snacking on lightbulbs.
They obviously use a different recipe in Dzerzhinsk and the crazy cop got the taste for them after studying yoga and wondering if he could undergo painful physical ordeals like Indian holy men. He explained: “I’ve eaten them for a long time now – they’re quite tasty.”
While this is an illuminating tale and we’re sure anything which is energy saving would be very relaxing, it may be something you regretted when you sit down on the toilet the next morning.
Who knows just watt is going through Evgeny’s mind, but if someone made me eat a bulb I’d be incandescent with rage.
