IN INTERNATIONAL sport you don’t tend to win much if you readily give away penalties and play with less players than the opposition, but sadly that lesson hasn’t got through to the imbecilic trained monkeys in the English rugby team, and their chief silverback can’t help tearing out a plentiful supply of hair from his glossy coat.
Martin Johnson (below) let out several frightening growls as England’s undisciplined also-rans again grabbed a loaded gun and pointed it at their toes.world_martin-johnson
The decisive factor in a game of mutual mediocrity was the penalty count, 16-7 in Ireland’s favour, plus yellow cards for Phil Vickery and Danny Care. Yes, that’s 10 cards in four tests.
Again, England blew it under pressure with their serial idiots gifting their opponents games.
He seethed: “England’s players have got to understand they’ve just cost themselves a Test match.
“These stupid penalties are costing us games. There is so much at stake and we have only ourselves to blame. I’m trying to keep my cool as it is very frustrating, very annoying.”
The 41 penalties in their three Six Nations games, and 30 points conceded while players have been in the sin-bin, is criminal.
Ronan O’Gara’s misfiring boot and a try from captain fantastic Brian O’Driscoll’s ensured Delon Armitage’s try was too little, too late.
Johnson must now swiftly dump most of his naive cheap-shot merchants before he’s sent back to his home in the jungle with his tail between his legs.
Other scores: France 21-16 Wales; Scotland 26-6 Italy.

• FOR the first time in living memory, February in Yorkshire was not a place where only Polar bears would enjoy being outside and the surf dudes from Manly Sea Eagles took advantage of the unseasonally warm conditions to deal a body blow to the reputation of Super League with a crushing 28-20 victory over champions Leeds Rhinos in the 2009 Carnegie World Club Challenge at Elland Road.world_beach-rugby
The NRL grand final winners showed slick handling and flair to run in five tries to halt England’s winning run in the annual showpiece.
It was the first overseas victory since Sydney Roosters’ 38-0 win over St Helens in 2003 as Manly revelled in the spring-like conditions.
There is now talk of the clash being moved to a neutral venue in Asia, rather than being hosted by an English club. It’s only fair really, if the incentive to win your title is a trip to Northern England in February, we sure as hell wouldn’t want to win the fucking trophy.

• ON the theme of macho, indestructible sporting hardmen, the mention of Andy Murray’s name couldn’t be more inappropriate.
The whining weed insisted this week that he had never felt so ill after picking up a virus in Dubai – it just so happens that he was supposed to be playing for Britain in the Davis Cup clash against Ukraine this week – surprise, sur-fucking-prise.
Murray moaned: “This virus has hit me harder than any illness I’ve had before and I still feel terrible. Missing out on a home tie is tough for me. But Davis Cup is a team.”
Yes, a team you’ve made it obvious before you have no interest in playing for as you don’t get all the credit/money. Tartan twat.

• OLYMPIC gold medalist James DeGale insists he won’t allow himself to be affected by “idiots” who booed him after making his pro debut in an unconvincing points win over Georgian Vepkhia Tchilaia.
We’re sure they boo their Olympic heroes in every other country as soon as they re-appear in public. Oh no, hang on, it’s just British morons.
This may be one of the reasons why Queen Elizabeth will support Manny Pacquiao when he fights Ricky Hatton in Las Vegas on May 2.
It may also be a cheap joke as that’s the name of his daughter, due to his affection for the Royal family. The Pac Man is also a stand-up comedian, piano player and pop star with a No1 back home.
What a man. Certainly a better bloke than Vicky Fatton. In fact let’s head to Vegas just to boo him. It would be un-British not to.

OTHER BIG WINNERS: Golf – WGC World Matchplay: Geoff Ogilvy.
Tennis – Mexican Open: Venus Williams; Dubai Open: Novak Djokovic.


WOULD you be impressed if you met someone who had won two European and Commonwealth gold medals, been a former cop, army man and JP, appeared in Supergran, advertised Cadbury’s Wispa, bred budgerigars, had his own game for the Commodore 64 and ZX Spectrum and been able to walk round calling himself the World’s Strongest Man?
Well, if so, you – like us – would love to meet Geoff Capes.
The 6’5″, 23-stone behemoth was one of the world’s finest shot putters and finished fifth at the 1980 Moscow Olympics.
Capes is also the most capped British male athlete of all time, receiving 67 international caps, and returning 35 wins. He also won 17 national titles.
But it was when Capes turned pro that he began to make real headlines. He won five World Highland Games titles and claimed two World’s Strongest Man crowns, finishing in the top four for seven straight years.
He was renowned for amazing hand and arm strength, easily tearing phone books in half and bending steel bars into pretzel-like shapes. This made him a household name and he cashed in, performing in 17 pantos.
But the once-angry young man claims among his proudest moments were being named president of the Budgerigar Society of GB and when one of his 300 budgies won the World title for best recessive pied.
What that means we don’t know, but this guy is a true legend.