Romance isn’t dead after all! A man named Dennis has proposed to his partner, Ann, by putting the ring inside the bun of a chicken burger. Well, we can’t all have roses, a candlelit dinner and the Eiffel Tower, can we? To congratulate the happy couple (she said yes), here are some jokes all about marriage.
Why does the bride always wear white?
So the dishwasher matches…
My girlfriend’s so good at keeping secrets.
We were engaged for four months before I even knew!
Scientists have discovered a food that diminishes a woman’s sex drive by 90%.
It’s called wedding cake.
Recently a man had to go to the hospital to have his wedding ring cut off from his dick after his mistress found the ring in his trouser pocket and got so mad at him she stuck it on him while he was asleep.
I don’t know what’s worse:
1) Having your mistress find out you’re married.
2) Explaining to your wife how your wedding ring got on your dick.
3) Finding out your dick fits through your wedding ring.
Paddy and Mick are discussing Paddy’s forthcoming wedding.
“I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.”
Mick says,”Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one of your balls red and the other blue. On your honeymoon if she laughs and says, ‘Those are the funniest balls I’ve ever seen!’ you hit her with the shovel!”
My fiancée is a bit of a geek, so she was delighted when I suggested a Star Wars themed wedding.
We’ll save a fortune on her dress – she already looks like Chewbacca.
I felt a bit fed up today so to cheer myself up I watched my wedding video backwards.
I love the end bit where I take my ring off, go back down the aisle, jump in the car and fuck off.
Yesterday I underwent a painful procedure that required me to have my spine and both testicles removed.
Got some great wedding presents, though.
I sent my wedding video into You’ve Been Framed.
They didn’t find me standing her up as funny as I did.
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