To get you through the day, here are some of our favourite jokes for June 2014.
You can tell a lot about a person by their car.
For example: if it’s in a ditch, it’s a woman.
Frank, Fremantle
Some people say it’s sick and perverted to be a flasher.
I think it shows a lot of balls.
Derek, Richmond
A.D.H.D – Because lazy parenting needed a new medical term.
Tom, Surry Hills
There’s a chair with a pie and there’s a chair with a dick. Which one do you sit on and which one do you eat?
Florian, Darlinghurst
After a night of heavily drinking there is one thing I can’t stand…
And that’s up.
Bret, Townsville
1)Put on chicken costume
2)Go to store to pick up eggs
3)Run up to store manager and emotionally scream “Who did this to my children?”
Ricky, Paddington
My car has just been involved in a hit and run accident.
Thank fuck nobody saw.
Greg, Kings Cross
Be quiet and ask as few questions as possible in a meeting, respect the fact that others sleep.
Tristan, Manly
What is the difference between a smart blonde and a UFO?
There have been sightings of UFOs.
Terry, Fitzroy
What did the elephant say to the naked man?
How do you breathe through that thing?
Aaron, Balmoral
If the world cannot find 300 passengers in a missing jumbo jet, how the fuck are the yanks going to find four Brits in a boat!
Archie, Melbourne
Did you hear about the guy who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn’t close his casket.
Sam, St Kilda
What do you call a cheap circumcision?
A rip off.
Pete, Perth
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Dress her up as an alter boy.
Jo, Kew
What do you call a bunny with a bent dick?
Fucks Funny.
Paul, Surry Hills
A guy goes to the store to buy condoms. ‘Do you want a bag?’ the cashier asks.
‘No’, the guy says, ‘she’s not that ugly.’
Marlon, Darlinghurst
What’s the difference between a Man-U fan and a vibrator?
A Man U fan is a real dick.
Gary, Kings Cross
How do you make a Gunners fan run?
Build a job centre.
Alex, Yarra
The only time I use the word “selfie” is when I’m describing my sex life.
Andrew, Perth
I went to the doctors the other day and I said, ‘Have you got anything for wind?’
So he gave me a kite.
Duncan, Surry Hills
I tried water polo but my horse drowned.
Richard, Balmain
I get the impression my girlfriend has fake boobs.
She’s a sex doll. So it would be weird if it had real boobs.
Jeff, Yalingup
My girlfriend gives the best blow jobs in town.
According to what’s written on this toilet door.
Mel, Manly
I recently read that sharks attacked an Oz man.
Where’re the lion and tin man when you need them?
Blair, St Kilda
Email us your jokes to [email protected]
Also visit – https://britishballs.com/funny-and-old-sport-news/
