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Guy Fawkes JokesYes that’s right its that time of year when it’s ok to celebrate terrorism, so we’ve come up with some crackers. (Get it firecrackers) – ok, we didn’t come up with them, our awesome readers did. If you’ve get anymore, keep ’em coming on our facebook page.

My wife calls my cock “The Firework.”

Not because it lights up her evening, but because she likes to keep it at arms length since it went off in her face that one time. Dave, Darlinghurst

Yesterday evening at a firework display there were several charity collections, one of which was for Parkinson’s, I couldn’t help but laugh when they shook the bucket at me … Geoff, Wollongong

Up until yesterday, I worked as part of a firework display team and accidently set some off in the wrong sequence.

They sacked me on the spot and I just think it’s bang out of order. Jon, Chelsea

Katy Perry’s right, I am a firework.

When I explode on children, they become scarred for life. Mary, St Kilda

Katy Perry’s song says; “Baby you’re a firework.”

I am. I’m dangerous to children without supervision. Ben, Surry Hills

My damn catheter malfunctioned when I was preparing a firework display earlier.

Well that’s pissed on my bonfire. Greg, Adelaide
On firework night, I ate some green salad to go with my burger

but it exploded in my face…Too much rocket. Derek, Richmond
We’ve recently had a complete slut employed in our office. So being the comedian that I am, I decided to nickname her ‘four finger Sue’
It caught on and got me a few laughs, but eventually backfired.

Apparently I should be more sensitive towards victims of firework accidents and subsequently lost my job. Pete, Bondi

To all you Americans.

It’s football not soccer!
It’s jelly not jello!
It’s a spanner not a monkey wrench!
It’s a bonnet not a hood!
It’s a holiday not a vacation!

And to those of you in California…Bonfire Night is in November! Jim, Newcastle

FREE give-away. Two highly combustible, identical guys for Bonfire Night. Can deliver.

Contact Simon Cowell
c/o X-Factor
Thames TV
1 Stephen Street
London
W1T 1AL

Thanks, Simon L.A