A 45-year-old Jamaican man experienced a distressing day yesterday, after he pulled on his underwear,unsuspecting to fact that his jealous, angry wife had tampered with them by rubbing “cow itch” into the crotch. The plant “cow itch” causes intense itching when it comes into contact with skin.
He realised something wasn’t quite right when a burning sensation on his privates became more persistent as he got ready for work. He explained the sensation to the police as,”like there was a hot fire underneath my balls.”
The aggravating itch on his genitals caused him great frustration and pain until around midday, when he decided to take action, and mix a concoction of
sugar and water to rub on his privates to sooth the itch. The itching ceased, much to his relief, but he was still unable to attend work that day because of the severity of his discomfort.
When he confronted his wife she immediately denied it, but she was unconvincing, and he reported the incident to police. He claims he wishes they would separate, because his wife thinks he’s always with other women
behind her back. He is currently residing at his father’s house in the fear that staying at his home would threaten the wellbeing of his balls further.
By Ali MacLeod