Remember that scene from the first Austin Powers movie when someone tries to kill him on the toilet and the bloke in the next cubicle just thinks he’s having a really big shit?

Well a bloke in Canada had the reverse experience recently when his anguished cries of pain as he tried to push one out were mistaken by a neighbour for a life and death struggle.

The resident in the British Columbian capital, Victoria, feared her neighbour was in trouble after hearing a lengthy period of loud yelling and shouting coming from the man’s basement suite early in wee small hours of the morning.

So minutes after “dropping the kids off at the pool”, the noisy neighbour was disturbed by police banging on his door asking if everything was alright. It took him a few minutes before finally realising the turd-based mix-up.

Writing on the Victoria Police Department’s official blog, Stories Beyond The Beat, deputy chief John Ducker explained: “When questioned about the amount of noise he was making, the man explained that he had been essentially (in his own different words) on the toilet having his morning constitutional but he was done now.
“The officers asked him to try to keep the noise down in such future endeavours and he said he would do his best.”

To be fair, we know what he’s been through – we’ve all experienced the horrors of Tesco’s No Frills toilet paper. It’s like wiping your arse with a cat’s tongue.

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