The dreariest month of the year is nearly over, so to celebrate, here’s some down right filthy and wrong jokes to tied you over until it’s safe to come out again.
I only ever read when I’m taking a shit.
Which is probably why my daughter always refuses a bedtime story. Julian, St Kilda
My mate’s got a new job in the nudest colony,
He said the first two days were the hardest. Phil, Darlinghurst
I sprayed my girlfriends hair glitter onto a fly instead of insect spray today.
It didn’t die, but it was pretty fly. Paul, Bondi
As I unlocked the airplane toilet door and walked out, a gentleman was waiting to go in.
“I’d leave it a few minutes if were you, mate.” I said.
“Smelly?” he asked.
I said, “No, my mum’s just putting her clothes back on.”
So Imogen Thomas is having her baby by caesarean section..
She would’ve had it naturally but there’s always a cock blocking the baby’s exit. Barry, Tottenham
I phoned my boss this morning and told him, “I won’t be in today, I have diarrhea.”
He said. “I can’t believe you. It’s the same ridiculous excuse every week!”
“That’s not true,” I replied. “I had AIDS yesterday and Cancer the one before.” Tim, Richmond
I just can’t bring myself to tell my Mum I’m gay ;
So my boyfriend’s agreed to do it for me. Hank, Paddington
I’m always gentle and slow when I finger a girl.
That way they don’t wake up. Greg, Finsbury Park
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