Now that 2013 is in full swing, we’re back to cultivating the sickest jokes around, so we hope you enjoy these. And if you’re easily offended, then don’t bother reading any of disgusting jokes below.
If there is one thing I love it has to be my toilet, it’s put up with so much shit over the years and still says with me. Fred, Bondi
“Jump in and I’ll take you home,” I said to my dwarf neighbour, who was sat at the bus stop today.
“Piss off!” he replied.
“Suit yourself then,” I said, as I straightened up my backpack and continued with my walk. Harry, Surry Hills
The doctor has told me that in order to get healthier I need to spend less time in the pub…. So I have taken up smoking. Theo, Fremantle
I love walking on the beach with my girlfriend.
Until the LSD wears off and I’m just dragging a stolen mannequin around a car park. Grant, St Kilda
I’ll never join one of those online dating services. I prefer to meet someone the old fashioned way.
Through alcohol and poor judgement. Paul, Richmond
In a recent online survey, 90% of men admitted to masturbating regularly.
The other 10% hit the wrong button with their left hand. Nick, Fitzroy
I found my son hanging in his bedroom this morning.
There was a note on his bed which read, “I can’t take the critism anymore.”
I quickly cut him down and managed to revive him.
As he lay in my arms and slowly opened his eyes, I said, “That’s not how you spell criticism.” Ed, Darlinghurst
Kim Kardashian’s baby will be the second thing that her vagina has given birth to. The first was her career. Peter, Coogee
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