I dialed a number and got the following recording:
“I am not available right now, but thank you for caring enough to call. I am making some changes in my life. Please leave a message after the beep. If I do not return your call, you are one of the changes.”
A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.
The librarian says, “Fuck off, you won’t bring it back.”
At pilots training back in the Air Corps they taught us,
“Always try to keep the number of landings you make equal to the
number of take offs you make.”
“If each day is a gift, i want to know where to return Mondays”
Aspire to inspire before you expire.
My wife and I had words, but I didn’t get to use mine.
As my five year old son and I were headed to McDonald’s one day, we
passed a car accident. Usually when we see something terrible like that,
we say a prayer for those who might be hurt, so I pointed and said to my
son, “We should pray.”
From the back seat I heard his earnest request:
“Please, God, don’t let those cars block the entrance to
McDonald’s.”
Frustration is trying to find your glasses without your glasses.
Blessed are those who can give without remembering and take without
forgetting.
The irony of life is that, by the time you’re old enough to know
your way around, you’re not going anywhere.
God made man before woman so as to give him time to think of an
answer for her first question.
I was always taught to respect my elders, but it keeps getting
harder to find one.
Every morning is the dawn of a new error.
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