Best Unhinged Jokes

Jokes

From the best unhinged jokes to the worst dad jokes, we’ve got you covered.

It’s a 5 minuet walk from my house to the bar, but a 45 minuet walk from the bar to my house.
“I love your Aussie accent, say that again.”… “Yeahh nah your a fucken shit cunt aye”
Why don’t pirates take a shower before walking the plank?
Because they’ll just wash up on shore later.
Will glass coffins ever be popular?.. Remains to be seen.
I found $20 in a car park and thought to my self “what would Jesus do?” So I turned it into wine.
My wife blocked me on Facebook because I post to many bird puns. Well, Toucan play at that game.
I told my psychologist I am scared of living in tall buildings… He said that’s just my apartment complex.
If you were born in September, it’s safe to assume that your parents started the new year off with a bang.
“I just got my doctor’s test results back and I’m really upset about it. Turns out, I’m not gonna be a doctor.”
What’s the difference between a gay man and a freezer? ‘The freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out’
What did one traffic light say to the other? “look away I’m changing.”
Grandpa, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I said, “No your generation does.” Unpluggs life support.
What tea is hard to swallow? ‘Reali-tea’
What’s the best thing about Switzerland? “I don’t know but the flag is a big plus
How does a Rabbi make his coffee? ‘Hebrews it’.
What do you call a woman with big tits a fat ass and beautiful hair? “I don’t know but can I get her number?”
What do you call a woman who thinks she can do anything a man can do? ‘Wrong.’
What’s a pirate’s favourite letter?.. ‘Rrrrrrrrrr’
What’s that sexuality called when you are attracted to men but their not attracted to you?
What did the suicidal man say before jumping off the roof? “Let’s hit the road!”
Helen walks into a bar, ‘then a table then a chair.’
What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend? ‘he wiped his ass’
The difference between like and love is spit and swallow.