Best Jokes

  • Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her New Year’s resolution was. She replied, “Screw you!” So I’m pretty excited for the new year.
  • “I recently took a pole. And found out 100% of the people in the tent were angry when it collapsed.
  • why did the man stand on one leg on New Years? “He wanted to start the year off on the right foot.”
  • I was having dinner with Mr T and he said: “Don’t talk with your mouth full.”

I said: “How else would I talk? And I ain’t no fool.”

  • There’s a new game called “Silent Tennis.” It’s like regular Tennis but without the racquet.
  • I saw a group of girls wearing knee-high socks and short skirts so I shouted: “Oi, oi! Get yer tits out for the lads!”

The other dads at the netball match weren’t happy.

  • My girlfriend said it would be nice if I could maintain an erection.

So I’ve volunteered to clean pigeon shit from the Sydney Opera House.

  • What did the giant say after eating Fiji?

mmmm i want Sa-moa

  • I asked my wife what she wanted for Christmas…”Nothing would make me happier than a diamond necklace.” So I got her nothing.
  • “Don’t throw sodium chloride at people. That’s a salt.”
  • Yesterday one of my good friends told me I often make people feel uncomfortable by violating their personal space. It was a really hurtful; thing to say and completely ruined our bath.
  • A book fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame.
  • if slow old men use walking sticks what do fast old men use?.. Hurry cane

Bear walks into a bar and says to the bartender: “one whisky and…………… coke.” “Why the big pause?” asks the bartender. “I don’t know, I was born with them,” says the bear.

Best Jokes

Things to do in Sydney

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