pattaya jokeMy girlfriend reckons that a small penis shouldn’t effect our sex life.
She may be right, but I’d prefer it if she didn’t have one. Billy, Pattaya

I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather… Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car. Paul, Fremantle

Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. “Yes” is the answer. Dane, Surfers Paradise

The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it’s still on the list. Jen, Cardiff

I had no idea time zones were so far apart…
Just landed in China and it’s fucking New Year apparently. Suzy, Paddington

If you ask me, people who harm children should be strangled at birth. Lisa, Manly

How do you make a Pirate angry?
Take the P out of him. Jack, Lost at Sea

I was text cheating on my wife and I accidentally sent one of the messages to her.

Took me some explaining on how I couldn’t wait to suck her cock Ben, Clapham

I was explaining to my wife how sometimes I feel really high and then really low.
She said “Dave, get off the fucking swing.” Dave, in the park

I tried to log in on my iPad. Turns out it was an Etch A Sketch and I don’t own an iPad.
Also, I’m out of vodka. Simon, LA

“Sir, could you please step out of the vehicle?”
“I’m too drunk, you get in.” Jimmy, Kings Cross

My wife asked me to taste a placenta earlier.
But my tounge wouldn’t reach. Mark, Peterborough

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