It’s Halloween again, so naturally we’ve put together the best Halloween jokes for your perusal. Make sure you check out what’s on in Sydney and what’s on in Melbourne to find the best way to celebrate Halloween this year.
A couple were invited to a swanky family masked fancy dress Halloween party.
The wife got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed and there was no need for his good time to be spoiled by not going.
So he took his costume and away he went.
The wife, after sleeping soundly for about an hour, woke without pain and as it was still early decided go to the party. As her husband didn’t know what her costume was, she thought she would have some fun by watching her husband to see how he acted when she was not with him.
So she joined the party and soon spotted her husband in his costume, cavorting around on the dance floor, dancing with every nice “chick” he could and copping a little feel here and a little kiss there.
His wife went up to him and being a rather seductive babe herself, he left his new partner high and dry and devoted his time to her. She let him go as far as he wished, naturally, since he was her husband.
After more drinks he finally whispered a little proposition in her ear and she agreed, so off they went to one of the cars and had passionate intercourse in the back seat. Just before unmasking at midnight she slipped away, went home, put the costume away and got into bed, wondering what kind of explanation he would make up for his outrageous behaviour.
She was sitting up reading when he came in, so she asked what kind of time he had. “Oh, the same old thing. You know I never have a good time when you’re not there.”
Then she asked, “Did you dance much?”
He replied, “I’ll tell you, I never even danced one dance. When I got there, I met Pete, Bill Brown and some other guys, so we went into the spare room and played poker all evening.”
“You must have looked really silly wearing that costume playing poker all night!” she said with unashamed sarcasm.
To which the husband replied, “Actually, I gave my costume to your Dad. Apparently he had the time of his life.”
Bill, Woolloomooloo
I got so sick of the trick or treaters at Halloween that I turned the lights out and pretended I wasn’t in.
Fuck the ships. My lighthouse, my rules.
Trent, Bondi
My mate said to me today he was having a halloween party and he asked me if I’d come.
I said I’d go as Maddie Mccann, which I suppose was nicer than saying I wasnt gonna fucking show up.
Brian, Windsor
The doorbell rang one Halloween and, when I answered it, there was a little boy dressed as the Predator stood there with his dad.
“And who are you?” I asked as I bent down to give him a sweet.
“He’s a child Predator,” said his dad.
“What a coincidence,” I thought.
Jan, Fitzroy
I won’t be getting any trick-or-treaters this Halloween.
I’ve boarded up my windows and spray painted “paedo scum” on my front door.
Ash, Surry Hills
I’m all ready for Halloween. My Gary Glitter costume came this morning.. it’s a bit small though, looks like its for fucking kids!
Greg, Darlinghurst
Just went to a Halloween under 16’s disco.
I told everyone that I came dressed as an old man.
I lied.
Cyril, Kings Cross
People think the pile of bodies outside my door is a Halloween decoration, it isn’t.
I’ve plugged the doorbell into the mains.
Harry, Brunswick
Check out what’s on this Halloween in Sydney
Check out what’s on this Halloween in Melbourne
Check out what’s on this Halloween in London
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