With it being December, the month of present-giving and getting trollied on sherry trifle, we thought we’d share our favourite Christmas jokes from some of our readers to spread some festive cheer.
Why doesn’t Santa have any children? Because he only comes once a year, and when he does, it’s down the chimney.
Archie, Byron Bay
What do the female reindeer do when Santa takes the male reindeer out on Christmas Eve? They go into town, and blow a few bucks.
Alice, Northbridge
Twas the night before Christmas, and God it was neat, The kids were both gone, and my wife was in heat. The doors were all bolted, and the phone off the hook. It was time for some nooky, by hook or by crook.
Ollie, Brisbane
How do you know Santa Claus has to be a man? No woman is going to wear the same outfit year after year!
John, Margaret River
A young woman asks her mother, “Mum, how many kinds of penises are there?”
The mother, surprised, answers, “Well, daughter, a man goes through three phases. In a man’s twenties, a man’s penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree.”
“A Christmas tree?” the young woman asks.
“Yes, dried up and the balls are there for decoration only.”
Gareth, Perth
I got a sweater for Christmas. I really wanted a screamer or a moaner.
Paddy, Sydney
One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Claus, “Please send me a sister.”
Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”
Max, Adelaide
