After Easter, we are all carrying a bit of extra weight so we’ve put together a few fat jokes to inspire you to shift the pounds faster:
I’m not saying my fella is fat. But if I had to pick five of the fattest people I could think of, he would be three of them.
I made the mistake of slapping my fat girlfriend’s arse while I was fucking her doggy-style earlier.
As I watched the huge tsunami of flab travel up to her head and then back, I knew that it would catapult me across the room when it hit.
Please, if you all donate just £2 a month, I can buy enough Stella to have sex with her again.
I picked up a fat guy wearing a tracksuit in my taxi and dropped him off at the park.
He jumped out and started jogging down the road beside me.
“Yeah, you go!” I shouted. “You’ll be losing those pounds before you know it.”
“My fucking scarf’s trapped in the door, you cunt,” he replied.
The other day my girlfriend put me in a tough situation; she said, “Do I look fat in this?”
Just before I told her how great she looked, my mouth started moving for me and I said:
“To be fair, it’s a small room.”
Now that her stuff’s gone, the room is actually quite large.
My wife changed into her bikini at the beach, and stood posing in front of me. “Well,” she said, “I’ve lost a stone. Can you see a difference?”
I picked up a pebble and tossed it in the ocean. “The beach has lost a stone,” I said. “Can you see a difference?”
The Worlds Fattest Man has had a lot of criticism lately.
It’s ok though, he’s taken it all with a pinch of salt. And a side of bacon, eggs, sausages, chips, fried bread, hash browns, beans, mushrooms, bubble and squeak, toast, black pudding and of course a diet coke.
At work today, my self-conscious colleague was getting paranoid about her weight, “I am so fat! Look at me, I am the definition of obesity!” she cried.
I replied: “Don’t be daft, come, grab two chairs and we’ll talk about it.”
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