Seeing as it’s St Patrick’s Day this weekend we thought we’d treat you to some good old fashioned Irish jokes.
Now we’re not being anti-Irish, we’re simply celebrating Ireland for all the fun it provides the rest of the world with!
Has anyone else seen the new range of flavours that Walker’s have come up with for the World Cup.
I can’t help that think that they went to too much effort making an Irish Stew flavour, they could have just left it at potato. James, Dundee
Two Irish couples decide to spice up their sex lives by swapping partners.
Afterwards, Paddy says, “That was fucking great! I wonder how the girls got on.” Patrick, Dublin
The priest in a small Irish village loved the rooster and ten hens he kept in the hen house behind the church.
One Sunday morning, before mass, he went to feed the birds and discovered that the cock was missing.
He knew about cock fights in the village, so he questioned his parishioners in church.
During mass, he asked the congregation, “Has anybody got a cock?” All the men stood up.
“No, no,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock?” All the women stood up.
“No, no,” he said, “that wasn’t what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?”
Sixteen altar boys, two priests and a goat stood up. Trent, Bondi
An Irish daughter had not been home for over 5 years. Upon her return, her father cursed her.
Where have ye been all this time? Why did ye not write to us, not even a line? Why didn’t ye call? Can ye not understand what ye put yer old mum thru?
The girl, crying, replied, “Sniff, sniff…Dad…I became a prostitute…”
“Ye what? Out of here, ye shameless harlot! Sinner! You’re a disgrace to this family.”
“OK, Dad – as ye wish. I just came back to give mum this luxurious fur coat, title deed to a ten bedroom mansion plus a savings certificate for £5 million.”
“For me little brother, this gold Rolex and for ye daddy, the sparkling new Mercedes limited edition convertible that’s parked outside plus a membership to the country club….(takes a breath)…and an invitation for ye all to spend New Years’ Eve on board my new yacht in the Riviera, and….”
Now what was it ye said ye had become?” says Dad.
Girl, crying again, “Sniff, sniff…a prostitute dad! Sniff, sniff.
“Oh! Be Jesus! Ye scared me half to death, girl! I thought ye said a Protestant. Come here and give yer old man a hug!” Terry, Surry Hills
66% of Irish People like Jedward….
That’s Two Turds. Sarah, Redfern
Try saying: “Whale Oil Beef Hooked” Without sounding like an Irish man swearing. Rob, Fitzroy
Irish Virginity Test.
Paddy and Mick are discussing Paddy’s forthcoming wedding.
“I’m not sure if my future bride is a virgin or not.” he said.
Mick says,”Oh, there’s an easy test for that. All you need is some red paint, some blue paint and a shovel. You paint one of your balls red and the other blue. On your honeymoon if she laughs and says, ‘Those are the funniest balls I’ve ever seen!’ you hit her with the shovel!” Siobhan, Brunswick
Check out the best Irish stuff Australia has to offer
Find out what St Patrick’s Day events are happening around Australia
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