We’re back this week with some horrifically horrible jokes for you.
I updated my Facebook status earlier:
“I can’t believe it, my daughter now weighs exactly 21lbs”
I got 34 likes and plenty of messages saying things like, “Awww bless her xxx” and “What a little Chunk xxx.”
That was until I wrote: “I’m talking about my 12 year old, she’s bulimic.” Henry, Darlinghurst
A couple of weeks after embarrassing the Royal family with his Vegas pictures, Prince Harry has been deployed to Afghanistan.
Nice one Philip, that’ll look a bit less suspicious than another car crash. Ted, Bondi
I turned up at a fancy dress party last weekend with a condom on my nose.
“who have you come as?” asked the host as he opened the door.
“fuck nose” I replied. Ryan, St Kilda
My wife said, “I feel like the romance has gone from our marriage.”
“Don’t be silly,” I replied, putting my arm around her. “Now let’s go upstairs and I’ll punch you in the cunt a few times with my dick.” Phil, Richmond
My deaf girlfriend was talking in her sleep last night.
She nearly took my fucking eye out. Rob, Surry Hills
I hate it when new parents ask me who their baby looks like.
It was born 2 days ago, it looks like a fucking potato. Jessie, Fremantle
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